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* Dogwood Blossoms -- Volume 1, Issue 8 -- June '94 *
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* editor: Gary Warner *
* UK correspondant: Andreas Schoter *
* revisions editor: Bill Blohm *
* special consultant: Gary Gach *
* nihongo editor: Nori Matsui *
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Dogwood Blossoms, is an often-monthly 8-) publication of the
Internet community. The goal of this digest is to be a place
where Haiku can be shared and discussed with other lovers of the
art. Submissions are encouraged, both of original work,
published work by other authors, and comments and critiques of
works in previous issues. Articles of "short essay" length are
also welcome.
When you subscribe, please volunteer any haiku you would like to
see discussed, indicating if it is published or original...
also, if you would like to serve on the "editorial board" please
indicate so, or if you can serve as a translator for non-English
submissions (which are welcome) please indicate so.
If you are a list owner, and feel that this digest would make an
appropriate posting on your list, please send me a note
indicating so. In this issue:
I. Administrivia (you're there now!)
II. A Note from the Editor
III. Original Haiku by our subscribers
IV. Haiku in the Big City
V. Haiku from LOGOS
VI. From the Literature: Japanese Death Poems
VII. The Beginner's Corner
VIII. Haiku in the Schools
IX. Review: On Love and Barley- Andreas Schoter
X. Review: Bug Haiku - Debbie Blohm
XI. Review: The Story of Mist - Chuck Easter
XII. Assignments for Next Issue
Dogwood Blossoms is intended to be distributed "AS-IS" in its
entirety. Any excerpts from DogwooàÂBlossoms must include the
Source Statement (below) from the issue from which it is
excerpted unless reprint permission is given by the original
author, to whom all rights revert upon publication. Dogwood
Blossoms reserves the right to use in current or future
electronic or print publications any submissions received.
/* Begin Source Statement */
Dogwood Blossoms Issue 8, June 1994
An Electronic Haiku Magazine
All subscription requests and submissions should be directed to:
Gary Warner
/* End Source Statement */
*************************************************************
II. Editor's Note
*************************************************************
A few items of business this month before we get into the
magazine.
First, thank you for all the kind words and curious inquiries
during the absent April and May issues. Work and other
commitments got in the way, yet somehow the magazine
continued to grow. We now have 310 subscribers! Apologies
to any to whom I did not reply. Please try again now that
I can breathe...
Archives? We now have an FTP site, courtesy of David J Leitko,
and the beginnings of a WWW/Mosaic Server on my machine. For
FTP, try:
ftp ftp.netcom.com
cd /pub/dvd/haiku
for Mosaic, try:
http://199.20.16.10/homepage.htm
and go to the Dogwood Blossoms section...
Last month I asked for people to identify the poem which
was inadvertently "haikuized" from a Finnish translation.
The poem was Wallace Stevens' "The Snowman"...here is the
"haikued" first stanza, and the entire poem as provided
by several subscribers:
one needs winter's mind Tarvitaan talven mieli
to view the mantle of snow katsomaan kylmÎn ja lumen kuorta
on evergreen boughs mÎntypuun oksilla.
w.stevens
THE SNOW MAN
One must have a mind of winter
To regard the frost and the boughs
Of the pine-trees crusted with snow;
And have been cold a long time
To behold the junipers shagged with ice,
The spruces rough in the distant glitter
Of the January sun; and not to think
Of any misery in the sound of the wind,
In the sound of a few leaves,
Which is the sound of the land
Full of the same wind
That is blowing in the same bare place
For the listener, who listens in the snow,
And, nothing himself, beholds
Nothing that is not there and the nothing that is.
--------------
Wallace Stevens (1921)
Full text was FIRST provided by Marisa Januzzi
(jma5@columbia.edu) who recommends the collection _The Palm
at the End of the Mind_ and "13 Ways of Looking at a
Blackbird" for more Stevens.
Last month a haiku quoted from Bits n Bytes magazine was
attributed to Jay Machado. Actually it was Jay quoting from
a great little book called "The Tao of Programming". Jay
has printed a retraction in his magazine, and this will serve
as the retraction here. It was an honest mistake. Thanks to
those who pointed it out.
I have information on several haiku contests, which I will be
sending between-issues, and repeating in Issue 9. We are
TRYING not to let this magazine get too unwieldly. If you want
the information sooner, I will be posting it to our FTP site
"soon".
Thank you all for your submissions and patience...we will
once again attempt to resume a monthly schedule!
*************************************************************
III. Original Haiku from our Subscribers
*************************************************************
(13) All that remains
Of the late-March snow:
White tree-trunk shadows
(4) Cinder-ember sky --
Thunderclouds compete with time
Making daylight die.
(5) Hollow bamboo sound;
Kind breeze moves the leaf aside
To let the raindrop pass.
(8) empty silo--
spring wind pops the metal
in and out
(1) hoe
still a blade of grass
clings to it
(12) koi midori dark green lawn
madara ni medatsu Stand out in patches
haru no niwa Spring garden
(12) uzuki naka In the mid April
youyaku mebuku Started to bloom at last
sakura kana Oh, cherry blossoms
(12) harusame ni In spring rain,
nuretemo ureshi They are glad to get wet.
tori no uta Bird's songs.
(2) Saturated mist;
Clear jewel on the leafpoint ..
Drip! The river starts.
(2) Kizil Irmak *
Glint of dragonflies
Here and there, beside the reeds
Of the Red River
(7) On my fishing log
A beaver's wet belly has
Left a brush stroke there
(2) Exploring the world
And yet never far from home:
Snail crossing my path
(7) I throw some bread crumbs
And the pond which was so still
Boils from hunger
(9) Breaching in the sun enormous
Whale singing grace swimming
In the deep
(6) Great Southern Butte stands
alone on the horizon
the Moon just above
(3) narrow mountain road
quicker and scarier
going back down
(13) Walk home from day care --
My daughter points out to me
Dark side of new moon
(13) water for tea
so cold
burns my finger
(11) Cradled bowl; chawan
Held gently - raising soothing drink
Potters hands touch mine.
(8) august afternoon--
ants in the shadow
of the apple core
(8) a crab apple
from the highest branch
rattles down the rain spout
(4) Silver streaks
Among the henna --
Harvest morning.
(2) Summer's embers blown:
Recalling your delight in
Kicking through these leaves.
(2) A bathing sparrow
stirs up flurries
of fallen leaves.
(10) wind gathered leaves
on a city sidewalk -
Feet send them flying.
(1) cool hudson breeze
new york --
a brittle brown leaf
(4)
Ochre aspens quake
At intimations made by
Each rapacious flake
(4) A squat arroyo
Carving redly through the sage
Gorged on potential.
(4) Cholla white with snow;
An icy hope sifts down like
Inverted shadow.
(2) Winter comes:
Books piled a foot high
By my bedside
(1) Chuck Easter
(2) Philip Adams
* Kizil Irmak is the Turkish name for the river in
Cappadocia, red from flowing through clay-rich soil.
(3) Mykel Board
(4) Charles Trumbull
(5) GMCDONAL@delphi.com
(6) Bill Blohm
(7) Brian Kokensparger
(8) Michael Dylan Welch
* august afternoon
Published in "Collected Volume of Winning Verses," Itoen
Tea Company, Tokyo, Japan, 1993; honourable mention in the
1993 Itoen Tea Company haiku contest; apparently, winning
and honourable mention poems are printed on cans of Itoen
iced tea in Japan (in English and Japanese).
* a crab apple
Published in "Brussels Sprout" Vol. X, No. 1, January
1993, p. 18 as part of "A Gnat in Amber," a renga with
Paul O. Williams.
* empty silo
Published in "Modern Haiku" Vol. XXII, No. 2, June 1991,
p. 82 and in the "Midwest Haiku Anthology", Brooks Books,
Decatur, Illinois, 1992, p. 103; also published in
"Woodnotes" #15, Winter 1992, p. 33.
(9) Tom Towle 's daughter
Cassandra Apodaca, eight years old, after seeing
whales from a boat on a fieldtrip
(10) Dean Scott
(11) DAVID MCBETH
(12) Nori Matsui
(13) Tom Frenkel
*************************************************************
IV. Haiku in the Big City
*************************************************************
(Gar-note: Last month our feature article on haiku and
senryu by Gary Gach lead us to the topic of "Haiku in
the Big City". Many of our subscribers submitted their
own works in that area. Thanks for the response!)
(BTW, the author numbering scheme from previous article is
continued here)
(14) Empty morning streets
Cold path to the castle
Castle colder still
(5) Burnt rubber, cold steel;
Back alley museums for
Big City fossils.
(10) a dog turns over
a trash can to get at scraps -
The city awakes.
(16) behind the dumpster
crushed beercans and used condoms
-- highschool parking lot
(4) Sparrow arguments
in that boxwood bush outdo
even city sounds.
(2) Pedestrians pass
Unconcernedly by the
Hammering alarm.
(18) The IRT roars
Overhead the sun blinks
People cease talking
(4) Dandelions --
golden, silver heads
await the El.
(17) On the slag ridge:
Pink-topped green sprouty things.
Surely not weeds.
(17) Opportunities
in the creases of the roofs
plants spring up.
(3) city street sunflowers
facing
away from the sun
(5) Tribes of marching ants
Follow trails in lost ice cream;
Pearl streams guide them home.
(15) onna no ko young women
ujauja deteru shopping in swarms
haru ga kita spring has come
(17) The roar of the surf
Drown the sound of the tannoy --
Water music.
(17) Losing its point:
The spire fades into
Midday mist.
(1) surrounded by empty hangers
coat check girl alone
this warm spring night
(1) Chuck Easter
* surrounded by empty hangers
was originally published in Brussels Sprout
(2) Philip Adams
(3) Mykel Board
(4) Charles Trumbull
(5) GMCDONAL@delphi.com
(10) Dean Scott
(13) Tom Frenkel
(14) pierre42@aol.com
(15) IMTG0@cc.uab.es (translation by Nori Matsui)
(Gar-note: I lost the translation to this which Nori
provided for us. This is my recreation, which may
or may not be entirely accurate. sorry.)
(16) Gary Warner
(17) Andreas Schoter
(Gar-note: for the non-British, a "tannoy" is a brand
of speakers or public address systems which has been
used to refer to all such equipment)
(18) SELKIRK@NIEHSE.BITNET
**************************************************************
V. Haiku from LOGOS
**************************************************************
From: Ryosuke Suzuki <74570.2160@CompuServe.COM>
gentleyes caton the cushion
( an experimental haiku ) Ryosuke Suzuki
my sick aunt
gives me
a strained smile Yuri Takai
almost brushing
past a bicycling woman
crow on a hazy morning Yoshiko Ono
cold moon
breathing white
on the way home Kikuko Kondo
fine rain
spotlights from the sun
on cherry blossoms Mikiko Iida
castle moat
floating cherry blossom petals
and a swan Ikuko Sano
a cherry petal
touches
my cheek Katsuhisa Kayanuma
cherry blossoms carried
by the spring night breeze:
lanterns reflected in the moat Ayako Tanaka
afterglow
behind the mountains
mountains deep red too Naoshi Honda
*************************************************************
VI. From the Literature: Japanese Death Poems
*************************************************************
From: deans12@aol.com
The book "JAPANESE DEATH POEMS Written by Zen Monks and Haiku
Poets on the Verge of Death." was compiled by Yoel Hoffmann.
Publisher, Charles E. Tuttle Company, Inc.. ISBN 0-8048 1505-4.
Library of Congress Catalog Card No. 85-52347. Cost $ 17.50. I
purchased it from the University Bookstore, Seattle, Washington.
Phone number (206) 634-3400. Sorry I don't have the address but
they are wonderful to deal with over the phone.
BASHO
Died on the twelfth day of the tenth month 1694 at the age of fifty-one.
On a journey, ill: Tabi ni yande
my dream goes wandering yume wa kareno o
over withered fields. kakemeguru
BUSON
Died on the twenty-fifth day of the twelfth month, 1783 at the age of
sixty-eight
Of late the nights Shiraume ni
are dawning akaru yo bakari to
plum-blossom white. narinikeri
CHOGO
Died on the third day of the ninth month, 1806 at the age of forty-five
I long for people - Hito koishi
then again I loathe them: hito mutsukashishi
end of autumn. aki no kure
CHORI
Died on the nineteenth day of the tenth month, 1778 at the age of
thirty-nine
Leaves never fall Uso ni chiru
in vain - from all around ha mo nashi yomo no
bells tolling. kane no koe
ISSA
Died on the nineteenth day of the eleventh month, 1827 at the age of
sixty-five
_
What matter if I live on - A mama yo
a tortoise lives ikite mo kame no
a hundred times as long. hyaku-bu ichi
*******
From one basin Tarai kara
to another - tarai ni utsuru
stuff and nonsense. chimpunkan
note: "Accounts of Issa's death do not indicate that he wrote a death poem;
these two poems are held to be his death poems by popular tradition."
KAEN
Died on the thirteenth day of the ninth month, 1772 at the age of
seventy-five
A back-yard chrysanthemum Uragiku ya
looked at the setting sun yuhi ni mukai
and faded. shibominuru
OKANO KIN'EMON KANEHIDE
Died on the fourth day of the second month, 1703 at the age of twenty-four
Over the fields of Sono nioi
last night's snow - yuki no ashita no
plum fragrance. noume kana
SHIKI
Died on the nineteenth day of September, 1902 at the age of thirty-six
The loofah blooms and Hechima saite
I, full of phlegm, tan no tsumarishi
become a Buddha. hotoke kana
***************************************************************
VII. Beginner's Corner
***************************************************************
This article will hopefully become a regular feature of Dogwood
Blossoms. However, it can not do so unless you beginners
participate. The purpose of this article is to provide a place
where you can submit a haiku under somewhat controlled conditions
and receive feedback. By providing the scene, specific comments
can be made regarding your haiku, but comments on other's work
will still help you. Since you will all be writing about a
provided picture, you will be able to see how different haijin
see the same scene, and be able to apply comments addressed to
them to changes you might have been considering to your own work.
The picture to be written about will be printed every third
issue, beginning with this one. The next issue will have some
submitted haiku along with the criticism provided. Whether or no
the haiku is printed as an example in the next issue, every haiku
submitted for this scene will receive constructive criticism by
e-mail, so be sure and include an e-mail address. The final issue
completing the trilogy will have some of the reworked haiku
along with some final criticisms. The next issue will start the
next trilogy of articles and will present some of the final
haiku, plus the scene for the next round.
The scene provided will have specific components to set the
scene, but the background details you can fill in if you want to
incorporate additional detail. For example, this issue's scene
tells you what happened, that there is a waterfall and creek
nearby, that you are eating lunch. But notice I do not say
whether this is in the woods, plain, mountains, or wherever such
a scene is possible. If you want to incorporate some additional
detail, and it fits with the kernel provided, by all means feel
free to do so. But what you include must, of course, be valid:
there is no waterfall, for example, at the top of a mountain.
But you might be able to see mountains in the background. You
could be sitting on or against a rock, tree, hummock.
The basic rules of haiku apply except for the one that requires
you to have been there yourself. As a result, these, technically
speaking, are not really haiku at all. But they will still
provide an excellent learning tool towards writing better haiku.
If you are not sure what these general rules are, please refer to
my article in DB #7 comparing a haiku to a photograph.
Specifically, the following rules will apply, in the language in
which you prefer to compose. If your native language is other
than English, write the haiku to the 5-7-5 rule in your native
language if you prefer, but please provide an English
translation. I will try to get a translation if I can, but it
might not always be possible. By your providing a translation to
work off, I can better tell how you are following the basics of
the haiku. And your translation is more likely to represent what
you want to say than a translation by someone else.
Rules:
strict 5-7-5 format is to be followed
fundamental haiku rules must be followed, except that
you do not have to have been there yourself
any details filled in must be valid for setting
send your haiku for this to bblohm@hpbs1686.boi.hp.com
and put "DB #8 Beginner's Corner" in the subject line.
Scene:
You have hiked for several hours. Tired, you sit down beside a
stream for a light lunch. Nearby is a small waterfall. As you
sit, quietly looking over the stream a small doe cautiously
appears, takes a drink, and leaves.
******************************************************************
VIII. Haiku in the Schools
******************************************************************
From: Gary Warner
This past weekend I had a great sense of pride, as I watched two
children, from the 1st and 3rd grades, receive awards in the 4th
annual Sakura Festival Haiku Contest, hosted by the University of
Alabama's Japanese program. The pride was not from the fact that
they were my children, but rather that they were my students.
I wanted to share with our readers the steps which I used to try
and give the children at a local elementary school a proper
introduction to haiku. If you are a haiku advocate, with some
amount of skill in writing, you may wish to try and duplicate my
efforts in your own school.
Last November, I was discussing with Gary Gach the fact that almost
every elementary student in the country is exposed to haiku as a
simple poetry form that is useful to introduce children to the
concept of poetry. Children leave school with the idea that any
cluster of words totalling 17 syllables is a haiku, if they
actually learn anything at all. This is largely because the
teachers, and often the text-book authors, have little
understanding of the subject themselves. I told him that I thought
it would be great if "one of us" were able to go into the classroom
and give a proper introduction to haiku. And so I decided to do
so.
I called a local elementary school principal, and made it known
that I was available to offer a one-visit introduction to haiku to
classrooms that would be covering that subject. She asked that I
arrange a lesson plan and some of my own poetry and meet with her
and the curriculum director for the school.
I put together 10 of my favorite haiku that I had written, and
identified a few "modules" from which teachers could choose to have
the lecture based, depending on how much time they wanted to give
me. The modules included:
Haiku readings -- sharing haiku that I have written and their
origin as examples
Haiku form -- discussing the proper phrasing and content
of haiku
Japanese haiku -- sharing haiku by the Japanese Master, Basho,
both in Japanese and in English
translation (children enjoy the kanji)
Haiku lessons -- leading the children to write haiku
Contest preparation -- sharing the details of an upcoming
contest with the children and providing
information to the teacher regarding entry
I was invited back to teach for three days in February, and
lectured in each classroom for between 45 minutes and 75 minutes
depending on the age of the children. With the younger children,
the emphasis was on the "Haiku Lessons", while with the older
children the Haiku Readings and Haiku Form were emphasized, with
writing left as an exercise for the student.
The basic flow of the lesson went something like this:
Write the kanji for "Haiku" up on the board...if the word Haiku was
already on the board (which it usually was) make a joke about
spelling haiku right.
Use the kanji for haiku as an opportunity to explain the history of
haiku in Japan, and the respect for Basho that is still shown.
(Note: younger children very much enjoy the idea that the most
famous poet is named "Mr. Banana Tree".)
From there, read "furuike ya", in Japanese and explain that haiku
are "word pictures", and that a well-written haiku draws a very
detailed picture. Translate furuike ya, phrase by phrase, and ask
the children to help you draw a word picture. For instance, "old
pond". Ask the children to describe to you the difference between
"old ponds" and "new ponds". Explain the significance of "kawazu"
indicating the season (spring), and ask what a pond looks like in
the springtime. Ask what is significant about the fact that Basho
heard the splash. It must have been a secluded, quiet place for
him to have noticed.
Stress to the children that one way to help ensure a good picture
is to tell "When, Where, and What". Where was Basho? When was he
there? What did he see?
Now go through the entire scene with the children. If desired,
have them "build the picture" for some of your own poems,
identifying the "when, where, and what".
Now add to this the idea of emotion. Work with the idea that a
haiku can make you feel a certain way, without using any emotion
words. One poem I used for this was my own:
beachcomber
finding more cigarette butts
than seashells
Ask the when, where and what, and then ask how the beachcomber was
feeling.
This is PROBABLY the point where someone will ask why my haiku
doesn't have 17 syllables. How you answer this will be up to your
individual opinions on the subject. Here is how I handled it:
"All haiku should have 17 syllables...if they are written in
Japanese. But we are probably going to write our haiku in
English." I then discussed the differences between onji and
syllables (using as my example...which word is longer?
"Bookstore"? or "Garden"? -- each class unanimously replied
"bookstore". Then I asked them how many syllables each had. Two.
Then why aren't they the same length? Explore the possibility with
the students of having 5-7-5 poems, where the "5" were all
"bookstore" syllables, and the "7" all "garden" syllables. Would
we be matching form? Also compare the number of syllables in
furuike ya, with the number in a concise translation. To reach 17
syllables, we would have to add substantial data."
Announce that you would like to have the class write a haiku
together, and ask someone for a "what, where, when" that you can
write about. Stress the "rules" that a haiku tells us "what,
where, and when", and that it should have three lines, "short,
long, short".
A couple of the "what, where, when" that we used yielded fairly
decent haiku... for example:
chirping birds
watching from their oak tree house
the falling leaves
(6th grade)
tired from camping
resting on the lawn
4-leaf clovers
(5th grade)
After writing a haiku together, we distributed paper and asked the
children to write their own. Wander the class, helping those who
are having trouble getting started, and offering suggestions where
needed. Praise especially good haiku by reading them aloud.
nighttime at the sea
little white crabs and big red ones
outside my hotel
(Holly Cook, 8 years old)
bat in the cave
hanging upside down alone
on the winter day
(Alex Mason, 9 years old)
on a winter day
on the ski slopes skiing down
I saw some snow fall
(Gib Pennington, 9 years old)
old miner's house
rotting under the oak tree
waiting for springtime
(Sam Harden, 11 years old)
springtime in the woods
a little white snake went in
the pond fast
(Mandy Powell, 7 years old)
Almost 100 of the students decided to enter the Sakura Festival
haiku contest that I told them about. Two of them were among the
winners in their age category.
Backyard after school
A lizard crawled up the wall
The dog ran to it Taylor Shepherd
7 years old
second place
A child chased a frog
Around his house's front yard
At two o'clock sharp Brad Acton
10 years old
fourth place
A haiku of my own was selected as the second place winner in the
adult division, where the theme was "Youth":
Floating soap bubble
Rising without direction
Above giggling hands Gary Warner
second place
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